While most American children were sitting through third-period math on a Tuesday morning in April, Kelsey Rhae, a TikTok influencer, was filming her kids helping her clean the car. Day One of unschooling was what she called it. She took them grocery shopping at Aldi later that day, where they picked produce, read food labels, and counted change. Before the end of the week, the video had received 460,000 views. The remarks weren’t totally polite.
Almost immediately, criticism poured in, accusing Rhae of passing off routine tasks as instruction. However, Rhae’s supporters were equally vocal in their claims that authentic education differs greatly from classroom instruction. That tension, which is raw, unresolved, and manifests itself under fluorescent comment sections, accurately reflects the current state of American education culture. In alternative parenting circles, unschooling is no longer a taboo topic. It’s moving, and it’s accelerating.
The idea originated with John Holt, a teacher from Vermont who observed children shrinking in traditional classrooms during the 1970s. According to Holt, formal schooling, with its strict schedules and standardized tests, gradually drains children of their innate curiosity, observational skills, and relentless imitation. He created the phrase “unschooling” to refer to something more straightforward and unfamiliar: allowing kids to pursue their own interests without being directed by a set curriculum. His ideas have found an unlikely megaphone in social media decades later.
Ten to twenty percent of the more than 2.5 million homeschooled children in the US are unschoolers, according to Gina Riley, an educational psychologist at Hunter College who unschooled her own son and has researched the practice academically. That is a substantial amount. And the pandemic sped up everything. Families who watched their kids learn how to make bread, recognize birds, and construct furniture for a year left with uncomfortable questions about what the school had really been teaching them. Some of those families might never return in full.
Here are some truly poignant tales. Nicole Olson, a mother of five from Massachusetts, pulled her oldest child out of first grade and never came back. Her fifteen-year-old twins are in charge of their own amateur theater group. In the backyard, her twelve-year-old constructed a ninja obstacle course while persuading her parents to buy particular equipment through written proposals that included measurements, calculations, and material cost research. It’s difficult to claim that nothing is being learned. To be honest, it’s difficult to ignore Olson’s quiet confidence when she talks about her children.
However, there is another, less well-known tale. Growing up in Oklahoma, one of eleven states that do not even require parents to notify a school district when they pull a child out, is Mia (not her real name). Her mother switched from homeschooling to a more relaxed approach that eventually ceased to resemble education at all. Mia discovered she lacked a foundation in fundamental mathematics by the time she wanted to apply to colleges. Even worse, she had been living without running water for extended periods of time while being cut off from any officials or teachers who might have noticed or stepped in. “Because I was hidden away,” she claims, “that abuse and neglect was able to be hidden from the world.” It’s worth pondering that statement.
Eve Ettinger, a board member of the Coalition for Responsible Home Education, carefully distinguishes between what they refer to as neglect under a different name and unschooling as a purposeful philosophy that is child-led, attentive, and responsive. Both the Waldorf and Montessori approaches, which are based on child-centered learning, require teachers and caregivers to be extremely intentional. Ettinger claims, “My mom didn’t have time to teach me math this year, so all of my helping with the siblings gets counted as homework,” which isn’t unschooling. That’s a different matter.
The fact that unschooling lacks a standard definition, certification, and outcome makes it extremely difficult to assess. Influencers like Rhae are oversimplifying, even distorting, what the practice actually requires, according to Angela Baker, a longtime unschooling parent with fifteen years of experience. She believes that true unschooling is not a vibe. It’s a proactive dedication to pursuing a child’s interests wherever they lead, even into formal education if that’s what they desire. The trip to the grocery store can be instructive. It might simply be a trip to the grocery store.
Observing this online discussion gives the impression that something genuine is being debated, not only parenting approaches but also the true purpose of education and the decision-making process. There is still little and inconsistent research on the effects of unschooling. In some states, children are virtually completely hidden from outside institutions due to the patchwork of regulations. These two facts are important. A skeptic would be surprised by the ways in which some children are thriving. Others are slipping through gaps that have not yet been closed.⁖※
